As I was leaving in my car after having dropped my kid off at school, there was another car coming from the opposite direction on the already very narrow neighbourhood lane, with cars parked on both sides of the street. We both have an empty parking space nearby that we could opt to give way to the other to pass - but mine was kind of behind me that I would need to reverse my car to occupy it while the other has it directly on its left side. But the car before me, at some distance, simply stood still and awaiting my 'retreat'. As much as I felt that I was coming from the usual direction on that street which ideally should be made one-way street to prevent congestion (also for the sake of the residents around) in the mornings, I made the effort to reverse my car to the nearby spot and allow the car to pass - just to save us both some time, instead of defending who should give in first. But what followed was interesting, the female driver just drove past me, without even making any eye contact or gesture to thank me, smoking her sense of entitlement through the roof. I must admit that I was peeved! I asked myself, who would do that? But I also know by now that whenever such disempowering moment surfaces, it is time to learn something.
We quietly harbor some sense of entitlement at least once in a while. Once we get used to what works for us, changes to things would shake us up a little, sometimes more, where we feel like protesting to move things back to where it once was - because that's how it should be. Just like children expect birthdays to come with parties, presents, or both, we expect others to behave in a certain way, to do certain things to meet our demands, and to say things we wish to hear - again, because that's how things should be. I gifted my kid last week a scooter that he can use when we get outdoor. It was something that I observed many kids his age here have and thought it would make a nice addition to his childhood experience. Since it was an idea that came on a whim, I announced to him on the eve of its expected delivery that I was going to surprise him with a gift. He could not contain his excitement that he was utterly disappointed when the delivery was delayed by a day. When it finally arrived at the doorstep on Saturday, he was so thrilled by his gift and off he went scootering around the living room all morning. When he eventually stopped and took a rest, he asked me, "So mama, when can I have another present?" Stepping out from the role of mother for a moment, I was thinking to myself, ain't he feel entitled while I was only looking to surprise him when I feel like to. Then I realized, I have all those kinds of moments myself. So on the way home, I kept wondering why the lady in the car would not even care to acknowledge the fact that she has been given a favor but instead, I could have asked myself, why do I care so much that I felt annoyed by her?
Don't take things personally and care more about our own intention
There are a myriad of ways to explain why things happened the way they did, beyond what our minds are willing to settle for. We usually look for evidences that support our hypotheses about other people, an incident or event, and block out everything else that has equal possibilities. This is just how the ego runs the show for us. Sometimes we hold grudges for too long only to find out nobody actually even remembers what ocurred at one point in time and realized how our precious energy has unnecessarily been spent ruminating about it. In this particular context, while suggesting that the female driver felt so entitled and even appeared rude, I have in fact rejected the possibility that she felt embarassed that she avoided eye contact with me. It could also be that she had her eyes on the road concentrating, as more kids and their parents were flocking to school. Who knew? I was irritated by what seemed to be the story I believed of what happened because I was expecting her to recognize my effort of doing her a favor. Well, this is just yet another way of feeling entitled! Her response of non-response really had nothing to do with me, unless I chose to participate in it. More importantly, I chose to let her pass because that was the best and the right thing to do in that moment, for both parties. And that is all there was, the rest creates only nuisance. If I feel compromised for doing so, it only puts the alignment of my intention into question.
Always work out a win-win scenario when and where possible
The modern society today has taught us in various ways that to survive, we have to somewhat play the zero-sum game. We either win, or we lose. That is the kind of environment that nurtures the entitled, egoistic or narcissistic mentality that can be draining and perpetuating disharmony or conflict among people. What we often forget is that there is another way to go about things where noone loses. We have abandoned the truth that we are all equal beings and we have the responsibility to uplift each other to realize the full potential of humanity, and not feel threatened by or taken advantage of. Sadly this is the reality we live in which will require collective consciousness to mobilize any shift. There is potential in meeting half way where all parties can enjoy some benefits from what about to occur without having to deny anyone a slice of the pie - a win-win scenario, which is the hallmark emblem of assertive behaviour. The foundational premise of assertion is to understand that we all have the same basic rights. A win-win situation can only take place when all involved parties come together with the understanding, from the outset, that it is about the balanced art of give and take. It would have been a win-win scenario (from her end) had the woman saw the benefits of how by one person's decision to give granted an opportunity for another to take, which she otherwise would not have. The least she could do was to recognize it not because I needed her to but that she understood the art of a win-win game herself. As a result, we could head to each of our destination then on time. It does not always have to be my way or the highway.
Accept that people can do whatever they want if they choose to
It is hard to see that how we are ideally pointing out the lack in us, when we criticize or complain about other people. To put it differently, the fact that we are able to opine on what other people should do or not do, has something to do with what is within us that actually resonates with that. Ain't that freeing to know? We are all our own sovereign beings and we want to feel accepted just the way we are. Why would that be any different to accept other people for who they are and how they choose their action? When we insist upon how others should be, we are essentially hijacking their freedom based on our own sense of fear and lack. It does not matter what I think of that woman in the car today, or what was the right justification for her to feel entitled (or not), it was merely one form of perception. She has all the freedom to choose and be that needed no explanations or justifications. In her freedom, lies also my freedom to let her be and accept her choice of action. Together, we honor each other of our basic rights to just be ourselves.
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