Let me explain. To begin with, it means that we have the conviction anchored in so soundly in us of the person we truly are, reflected in the way we show up, think, feel, act and behave - that nothing from the outside world can (easily) rob us of that certainty and authenticity. In other words, we stand guard at the door of our mind, maintaining a balance against our emotions and energy at all times. We become more awakened, necessarily sensitive to or in tune with our feelings and the impact they have on our actions, overall choices, decision-making and well-being. Then, you probably ask, "Ok,...but how?" I fully agree that it is easier said than done. It is simple but can be challenging, yet not at all impossible.
Recognizing how we are triggered by daily events, especially those that stir up a gamut of unpleasant emotions or wreak havoc in us (think anger, fear, shame, disappointment, anxiety etc.) - whether these are unwanted experiences, unprecedented situations or difficult people - will be a good and opportunistic place to start. Yup, that's ground zero. Now, here's the hard part: No matter what we believe or think that others have done unto us, it always boils down to this core but powerful question of, "How did I co-create this experience?" Yes, you always have a part in it, no matter how reluctant you are to take this in. In normal circumstances, one would rather argue with various "but" statements...as examples, but '..she was so mean for saying that', '..he betrayed my trust', '..they were so disrespectful', '..what he did was unforgiveable'....and so forth. Know that these are all our conscious and unconscious reactions to the events. In so doing, we actually lose our personal power to others. For the lack of better words, like a doormat being trampled over. How does that sound? It sounds rather pathetic to me and for real, it upsets me (in an empowering way). We allow others to dictate or influence how we feel on the inside, our sacred inner world; often also unknowingly carrying with it spill-over effects to all areas of our life, when we are not in touch with ourselves. When we are asleep to this co-created reality, in some ways, we tend to fall prey to the idea of victimhood, blaming everything and everyone else. And we wonder, where is the joy and happiness? Deep down, within all of us, lies the desire to turn from victim to victor, and instead of reacting, we want to choose our response with equanimity and reclaim the power. It is in the moment of decision that our destiny is shaped. Read that again.
Here's a piece of my vulnerable share but relevant. Thinking back when I was a child and younger adult, I vividly remember moments when everything seemed to be caving down on me. The biases, criticisms and judgements from people close to me that I had to bear felt extremely heavy on the inside even though I might come across generally as a happy kid who did well at school academically and socially. I was often labeled 'sensitive' and my speaking-up were laughed off as dramatic or defensive, dismissed or turned on deaf ears. To some extent, I was constantly gaslighted (a term that I have learned about narcissistic behavior). All I knew was that I did not understand why and I, myself, was never truly understood. "Why me?" was the question I often asked myself then. I believed that all which happened to me, the hurt and sadness, were brought about by what others did or said, and that I had no control whatsoever over that. I either lashed out in frustrations or I shut down isolating myself. When the misery and anger became overbearing, I would crawl under the bed or desk, crying my eyes out and choking with roaring emotions, and eventually slept through the rest of the day, out of exhaustion. Sometimes, these episodes went unnoticed and unaware of by anyone. Since no one taught me anything about presence, awareness, attunement and meditation at school, these 'why-me' events gradually moulded the wounded inner child in me, desperately wondering "Am I worthy?", "Am I loved?" and "Do I matter?", all the way into my adulthood. These events continued to play out in my life in many formats, until the day I found the wisdom, the guidance that put a halt to all dramas in my life. Everything cleared up for me. The dark clouds hovering above me slowly dissipated. That was almost 3.5 years ago when I began my journey of seeking. What changed was that I asked a different question, "How did I co-create this experience?" and I took everything into my own hands and be 100% responsible. Did it happen overnight? Heck no. Was that liberating? Absolutely.
This world we live in is a co-created reality, centered on our relationships with the visible (form) and the invisible (formless) forces. Nothing functions merely on its own. Just consider for a moment the most amazing and sophisticated machine we have - our body! We are alive because we breathe in air, our heart is beating and pumping blood throughout our body, down to every organ and cell which plays a critical role each yet must work together to create the symphony of life. The natural resources, our plants and animal kingdoms contribute immensely in every way, directly or indirectly, to our complex living ecosystem on this beautiful planet Earth. So, what's my point? This co-created reality I was referring to is another expression of the law of cause and effect governing our existence. Every event in our life is an effect of untraceable causes, before it, possibly traversing prior generations and will itself serve as another cause contributing to other impending events, crafting impact on future generations. As we narrow it down further to our daily grind, starting from this very second, we hold the power in changing the outcomes through all the circumstances that life presents us with - by taking 100% responsibility to be self-aware, understanding the rise of emotions and our reactive conduct, and wisely choose our response. This applies to every aspect of our life - whether in family, intimate relationship, parenthood, friendship, business or politics. By asking ourselves every time when we lose our center or feeling unsettled from within, "How did I co-create this experience?", we seize the opportune moment to shift the dynamic and change the course of the whole event towards a more desirable outcome.
The awareness that we can control how we feel under any circumstances is a highly potent tool that we want to keep handy through ongoing practice. Regression is possible from time to time, only because perfection is an illusion. I strongly believe that our school systems are archaically failing and need to be radically revamped to introduce and incorporate the wisdom teachings, without which we run the risk to perpetuate a world of unconsciousness trapped in ego and sufferings for generations to come. As parents, when we are caught in "crossfires" with our children, instead of trying to fix or correct them, thinking that we are hierarchically superior to them, we have the responsibility to show them the way, by first looking within and tuning in with ourselves, again asking, "How did I co-create this experience?". Children look up to us as role models, observing our every move, learning fast as they grow, just as how we (once) crave(d) for our parents to do the same for us. In the midst of it all, we will realize that children are here as our teachers, teachers who show us the path back to ourselves. Together this way, our wisely chosen responses will alter their life blueprints in a massively positive manner as we lock arms towards elevating the consciousness for our planet and future generations.
I help and work with my clients on their brave undertakings of 100% responsibility to choosing response over reaction. You can learn more here or schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me. Remember, be the change that you want to see in the world. It starts with you.
See you on the other side.
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