Breaking an old habit can be very challenging (at first). Even when we finally realize that something must change, yet we still find ourselves wondering, "Oops, I am still doing it", and we can't seem to shake off the old habit, at least not that easily. This is mainly because we have been repeating the habit so many times and it is now even running on autopilot. When things are operating under autopilot mode, it means that we often no longer have to pay much attention to the "how", our system is so familiar with the process that the actions just happen. Think about driving the car, morning routine, the usual route taken, to name a few. When we have the intention to interrupt any habit, unlearning is the new wisdom.
For a very long time, I have been in this place. This habit of being a night owl, working till late until my eyes could no longer stay open, has rendered me utterly exhausted and energy-depleted. The excuse deeply nested in my head was that evenings are MY time to be productive, especially since schools have gone through multiple cycles of closing and reopening, and I have to homeschool my kid during the day. My daily schedule has been a mess and unpredictable for most parts, although I am so grateful for all the time that I got to be present with my boy. But, it also came to my realization that this work schedule of mine is not sustainable and will likely kill me in the longer run. It was so ridiculous that I needed to set 6 half-hourly alarm starting from 5am just to make sure I will be able to wake up on time hours later (I 'snoozed' pretty bad) - and usually only ended with an average of 3-4 hour of sleep. Once I started my day again, the tiredness dissipated, my energy took over and the cycle went on. After several months, I could tell how the habit has gradually taken a toll on my health and overall productivity. I was running on empty!!
I have reached a level of frustration that I wanted to make a change but my body did not seem willing to cooperate. Day after day, I thought about it without fail and yet failed to make any successful shift. I even brought it up to my accountability coach. She has a point to make me rethink what I could ideally do during this (lockdown) period. I began to pay close attention to what I was doing exactly to repeat the pattern. I was observing myself. As soon as I put my son to bed, I would proceed downstairs, opened my laptop, and eased myself into all my pending tasks with much anticipation and eagerness. I would promise myself to have a hard stop at 11pm. When 11pm strike, I heard myself convincing me that it would be a shame then to stop because I was in the 'flow'. Then I would be agreeable to that and continued till my brain literally had to shut down. The absurdity was as such that I would expect myself to be readily strong again for the next day with barely 5-hour sleep. At some point, I realized two things: (1) Instead of sticking to the promise to stop on time, I kept negotiating my "musts" (for instance, I must stop at 11pm, I must have at least 6-hour sleep, I must wake up before my son does...), and (2) I pushed myself too hard that I forgot to listen to my body. So, the only way to have everything screeched to a halt is for some unfavorable outcomes to show up - and who would want that!
With a better understanding and more clarity on how the pattern repeats itself, I became more able to interrupt it. Here forth with great determination, I began my trial-and-error attempts. I trained myself to drop all the work as soon as 11pm arrived and told myself 'tomorrow is another day' instead. I was careful with occasional exceptions that I still allowed myself to extend by another half hour and tried not to over sabotage my good intention to replace my old habit. I also reduced my alarm settings to three half-hour intervals but trained myself to be awake by the first sign of its ringing, with the minimum 6-hour sleep rule intact. Initially, I would wake up, continue to hug my pillow and drift off to sleep again in such comfort, until the second alarm came ringing through my ears. To avoid slipping back to the former habit, I learned to use Mel Robbin's five-second rule and dragged myself out of bed for a morning cold shower upon counting down 5-4-3-2-1 and GO. It worked pretty well and I was all set for another productive day after having some cold water 'shocking' my system (It gets better!). It has been only two weeks since I noticed my progress. Therefore, I am still on the brink of forming a new habit but it can only get better. I am unlearning the old habit and I shall respect the time my body will need to get this new habit to integrate. But guess what, progress is happiness, and as long as I keep in mind the following key ideas, I will be able to continue to keep the old habit at bay.
What is the compelling outcome that I expect to beat my old habit with?
Most people get stuck when they are too concerned about the "how" instead of focusing on the "why". Breaking a habit is to close the gap from where we are to where we want to be. How are we suppose to desire change when we don't even know what to change to? In my case, I want to feel energetic and productive, without compromising self-care and my presence with my kid. When I contrast how I felt about myself, where I recently am at and where I intend to be, I am all fired up to get things moving. This is the drive, the motivation we need to keep us on track.
How can I stay committed to changing?
First, I'd say one has to make the decision to change and understand that any change is possible. That means, any 'failures' along the way are mere learning opportunities, asking us to revise our approach and not to give up. As the saying goes, 'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going'. Take smaller steps if needed to, but believe that we are an inch closer and all we want is at the other side of that one small step. You can also consider getting an accountability partner to ensure you do not derail. Remember this, Jim Rohn used to say, "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." This is such an important reminder! We need to surround ourselves with people who share and support our vision and be courageous to recognize those who are likely to pooh-pooh on our best intentions. This can sometimes even be those we hold ourselves closest to.
How am I doing?
We got to check in every now and then to see where we are and if we are making good progress. While progress is always a positive thing, it is just as equally important to avoid complacency. Suggest slowing down instead of resting, because there is a high chance that the cycle of change will need to restart as procrastination starts to kick in. Along the way, let's not forget to celebrate all the milestone successes, no matter how small they seem to be. Simply a pat on the shoulder would suffice to remind ourselves how far we have come. If by any chance you notice that you are not making as much progress as you would like to, do not panic, great things take time. You can always reflect if you have been negotiating your musts, violating with way too many exceptions, or if you are held back by what others are telling you instead. The bottom line is this, if you are not feeling good about where you are, that is the sign that some adjustments might be necessary.
Are you ready to overcome an old habit that no longer serves you and the life you desire? I hope the above suggestions have been helpful in some ways. I look forward to hearing your feedback and experience with them. You got this!
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