Stress is not a stranger to our modern lives, isn't it? Sometimes, we might even unconsciously wear it like a badge of honor, as a sign that we have been "busy", which in most cases, works as a means to make ourselves seem important or significant. That's the ego's delusional act in chasing the illusion and obscuring what truly matters. At work, you might stress about a tight deadline with limited help and resources, or whether the client will approve the work delivered and all the discussions that follow. At home, you might stress about a messy and disorganized space, or if your family will be on time for your kids' activities. While stressful contexts may vary individually, it is how we choose to handle it that will make all the difference in our experience of it. You want to have control over stress and not let it overwhelm you and lead you down the undesirable path, draining you physically, mentally and emotionally.
When you understand, even on a high level, what actually happens in the body when stress comes upon you, you are taking the first step in recognizing it simply as a defense mechanism to protect you from ideally life-threatening situations. Importantly, stress is natural response to help us identify and address unfamiliar or perceived threats and challenges in our lives. When you feel stress, the sympathetic nervous system activates and the physical body goes into the fight-or-flight or survival mode, where the heart races, the breath quickens, and the muscles ready for action. It also triggers the release of the stress hormone such as adrenaline and cortisols into the bloodstream that involves in the process of boosting your focus and energy to handle the stressful situation.
You can benefit from stress if you know how to leverage it to motivating you towards actions and complete tasks which will diminish the stress eventually. Everybody can use some 'healthy' stress to getting things done for the day or to accomplish goals. However, we might unconsciously make the habit of constantly worrying and ruminating over the worst case scenarios potentially caused by the roadblocks and challenges we face throughout, even when they are not life threatening in any way. Think the likes of being stuck in traffic jams, kids spilling food on carpet or clothes, a broken sink at home, or perhaps some remarks from people that did not sit well with you. That is how the sympathetic nervous system gets overactivated and throws you into a incessant alert mode where over time, you become fatigued, emotionally reactive, and unable to concentrate on taking the right actions. What you experience here is therefore the 'unhealthy' kind of stress, for which the following steps are recommended to help you be more masterful to overcome it:
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Start with the awareness of your state
When you feel stressed, you probably are already quite aware of how it makes you feel - perhaps slightly uncomfortable, agitated, frustrated or restless. This is a good start to recognizing and acknowledging it than feeling lost and helpless in the situation. In such a moment of awareness, you must instantly remember that stress is not your pure state of being, love is. As it is mentioned, it makes sense and yet, we often forget. You need to be reminded of, '...whenever I am believing I cannot handle this, I am divorced from my true self.' This may be a big leap for some, but let it sink in.
Love is all-encompassing (this goes beyond love in typical (intimate) relationships) whereby it permeates every part of the Universe and is able to evoke immense energy, motivation and empowerment in you to help you overcome any sticky situations in life. Stress often leads to an underlying fear, if you are willing to dig deeper into that which you are stressing about. It is also a possible sign of resistance you have towards the way life unfolds for you, either something you don't wish to happen or try to avoid. When love does not push you to move forward, then it must be fear that keeps holding you back. Love is your divine state while fear is what ego loves puppeteering you with even though it is a mere illusion in itself - read on, I'll explain.
2. Dis-identify yourself from the stress you feel without judgment.
The next thing you want to be doing is mentally create some distance from the stress you feel. This is you declaring that you are not your stress and therefore you have the option to eliminate it. Stress is an experience you have but it is not part of who you are. The space that now comes between you and the feeling of stress allows you to simply observe it and notice how it evolves within you. Done well, you will focus on looking for solution while the stress might still try to wreak havoc with your thoughts and feeling.
Make sure that you are not telling yourself the likes of, "I am so stressed, I can't do this..." or "This is stressing me out, I hate my life...", because whatever you think, you will feel and in this way, the vicious cycle continues on. Instead, notice what the stress might be triggering within you. For instance, What kind of thoughts cross your mind? Are they empowering or otherwise? What are you focusing on? What does the stress make you believe about yourself and the situation you need to deal with? Whatever bubbles up, just allow, be patient and offer yourself some compassion. This will help bring you more clarity about the situation and how you can best handle it.
3. Ground yourself back into the present moment
When I alluded to stress being rooted in fear, this also means you are getting too carried away by something which happened in the past, or you think might happen again in future but in the meantime have no evidence that it would even happen at all. When you are caught up in time, you are not in the present moment. The past is gone and the future has not happened - hence this explains why fear is an illusion that kidnaps you from this moment. When you are not in the present moment, you are likely to miss important cues, ideas and opportunities that will actually help you gradually de-stress by doing what it takes to resolve the situation at hand.
Therefore, it is crucial that you practice grounding yourself back to the "now", connecting to Mother Earth and your body, to "what is", so that you gently accept the situation as it happens, reassess the situation with a clear mind and capture any inspirations that might spring from therein. The easiest way to ground yourself is through your breaths - conscious inhales and exhales - until you feel the relaxation in your body and the sense of alignment within yourself. Other ways include, a mindful walk in the nature, a quiet moment of meditation, or simply focusing attentively to what you are doing (eating, typing, reading, talking etc.). You may notice as you do that, you are becoming calmer and more composed to handle the situation.
4. Objectively assess what your next steps would be.
In the current state of equanimity, you will be more able to access or tap into the resources you already have within you to help you identify your next steps towards resolving the stressful situation. This is because you are also in a state of flow, openness and receiving. You can then ask yourself, "What is the one simple thing that I can do right now to make things better?", do it and then repeat.
These resources come in forms of your innate wisdom, capabilities, intellect and knowledge, lessons learned, intuitions and inspirations - all become more apparent for your disposal. You might even wonder, "How come I have never thought of that before?", "I can try this or that approach and let's see how it goes.". Here, you have exited the stuck mentality and entered the problem-solving mindset. When you are stressed out, these resources seem unavailable, hidden and even impossible to reach since your mind is clouded by all the thoughts and beliefs fueled by fear that wants you to second guess yourself and forget all about your ability for triumph. Don't let it.
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When you are strapped in a stressful situation, it is easy to brush off ideas that encourage you to slow down, to pause or to take a breather - because all you want is to get the whole thing done and over with, as soon as possible. This was exactly me until only about a few years ago. I would probably term these steps utter "nonsense" then and looked away. But the fact is, I didn't know any better, having so often being hijacked by stress of family, relationships and work-related matters. I was 'sleep-walking', totally unconscious of my world, I supposed. Although I can't pinpoint what changed and what prompted me to embody the process, what matters more is how the steps certainly helped tremendously and transformed the way I approach any challenging situations in my life with greater efficiency and effectiveness. I stand on the shoulders of many others that came before me, those alongside me and who have attested to practicing this.
Follow through and hopefully you will see what I mean. Put them into practice and you can handle stress 'the right way' like a pro. Let me know in the comments below or email me any feedback you may have about this blogpost.
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