My kid has just gone to bed but I really don't think that he is sleeping just yet. As I Ieft his room, he was still happily flipping switches on the remote control for the planetary night light his granddad just bought him (or, St. Nicholas's generosity, as he believes). About an hour ago, we have just finished watching "The Christmas Chronicles" on Netflix and I have no clue since when he could actually watch the entire movie with such excitement throughout (and yet, that was his second). What can I say, I have always loved Christmas so it was just as enjoyable for me as it was to him, if not more. Make-believes like that just feel... like an escapade and magical! My son would ask me everytime if we can some day visit the quirky, fantasy lands that he has seen on cartoons and movies. He would then scream 'YES!' as soon as I told him 'Sure, let's do that'. This, to me...is a good fib - when it innocently lights him up like that. Now, I really have to find a creative way to fill that huge Christmas sock hanging on the front door, something that he anticipates for the 25th morning. When I was a kid, even my parents made their attempts to stuff some candies in our white socks (yes!) and played pretend on Christmas day. It will be tough to deny him that, knowing how exhilarating that was for me! This sure took me down the memory lane, I feel like a kid again.
We are now in our second COVID-19 lockdown here and most shops are forced to shut till after two weeks into 2021. That was close, as the announcement came merely a few days after I have got most things needed in order to set up a Christmas-y atmosphere at home. Least to say, I really treasure these fleeting moments...I am grateful to be able to do my part to give him a childhood that he so deserves. I am saying this, in part, knowing that many children in the world may not have the privilege to even understand what childhood truly means, which is to me, simply be a kid: be curious, carefree, get playtime, have fun, crack belly laughters, explore, observe, learn....and not made to grow up too fast and assume the responsibilities of an adult a little too soon (e.g. running house chores and taking care of young siblings while parents work) under unfortunate circumstances. Whenever it gives me a headache with the mess of toys lying around the house, I will remind myself, that that itself is a blessing, the clean-up will happen anyway; more importantly, parenthood is not something that can be taken for granted. One day, I might look at the pictures taken with a glimpse of such mess and silently wish to get another crazy moment like that.
This year, my son has taken an active part in decorating our Christmas tree. He was so enthusiasic about it that he had to remind me a few times before leaving for school (then) that I should never complete the task in his absence. I have brought down boxes of decors and ornaments from the attic that morning and as we intended to get started with it in the evening, I realized the old Christmas lights were broken. I told him that we would have to halt and wait till the next day, noticing that he was already busy hanging some ornaments on the tree. Since lights come before ornaments as I usually find that easier to manage, we carefully removed what were already there on the tree back into the box, with the promise that I would get new lightings the next morning after dropping him off at school. While I shoved away the boxes to the corner, he exclaimed, "Oh mama, the icicle is still there", pointing towards the one and only ornament on the tree. I just casually replied, "Oh yeah...how lonely it is..." He replied almost instantly with, "No...no mama. It has the tree." My eyes widened a little, and I thought, "Ohh..how true...that never crossed my mind." And, mind you, it was not the first time that I have been reminded to see things in a different light.
Just recently on one morning, he mentioned that his throat felt dry and it did not feel good. I immediately jumped into the motherly mode, making conclusion that he should drink more water to heal his throat and stay hydrated all day long. I am not sure if this is typical of a 5-year old, lately he sure has chagrined more when he gets corrected or reminded of things (alright, I know that sounded like nagging too, who fancies that?)...he threw me a look and lifted his tone, sounded annoyed, "Ma..ma...you are not listening, I said, my throat is not fine, not me." I had to pause, did he just discuss consciousness with me? The way I processed that line, was this: "You are not your pain." Shrugs...talking about getting beyond ourselves and thinking greater than our environment. Perhaps this is what I get having guided him to separate himself from the pain he oftentimes feels, be it a tear on his finger or his knee that he squeals at the tiniest drop of water, by talking to his pain and let it pass. Well, the last time he tried, he asked his pain to leave to the outer space, then changed his mind to send it to the sun instead only because it is hotter over there. I think he desperately wanted his pain to crash and burn - it is fascinating how he took it that far. But at least, he was no longer bothered by the pain he felt. Back to my point, his words just struck me at that moment that we have to accept and able to see past the 'as-is' reality (including acceptance) and focus on what we really want no matter how impossible it may seem today. This is literally our biggest lesson to learn in 2020, especially when the lives of many have been thrown off course in various terms of loss and grief, depression, loneliness, anger and frustrations, stress and uncertainties. While choosing faith at times like these might sound all rah-rah, indifferent or ignorant, it may well be the wisest option to exercise, in combination with the right focus and actions.
As I deepen my studies on Conscious Parenting as a coach, I have taken its central tenet that 'children are our teachers and need no fixing' to heart. It has opened up a whole new paradigm for me and through it, I have learned so much more about myself, the true gift of childhood for my son and life itself. I cannot get enough of these shots of wisdom from my little boy on my hectic days leading up to Christmas 2020. I have been trying to plan our Christmas dinner and going slightly bonkers on all the delish recipes (but I am thrilled!). When asked what he wishes to eat, my son orders his food like he is in a restaurant and thinks every ingredient is available in our refrigerator! Whatever Christmas will look like for you, I wish that you will find the gems in this unprecedented time and savor beautiful moments with your loved ones. Till the final week of 2020, Merry Christmas everyone!
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