First of all....did the graphic manage to briefly catch your attention, as opposed to what the title is actually suggesting? What an irony at first glance, isn't it? If you look closer, you will notice (if not already have) that the YES is essentially formed by (many) NO's. Although I am not sure if that was the intention of the original designer, but I appreciate the metaphorical brilliance behind it which tells me that: When we say YES to our goals and dreams, at the same time, we are saying, or rather, we have to say NO to many other things (and vice versa)! Do you agree? (I just love this simple illustration!)
You see, in my last blogpost, I discussed about assertiveness being a critical component of effective and successful leadership. Learning to say NO, without feeling guilt or shame, is one of the building blocks of enhancing our assertiveness. It's really an art. For some of us who are not comfortable at saying NO to things that we clearly or deeply know will not serve our greatest good or match our value and ethics, in pursuit of our goals and dreams or simply, daily productivity, it takes awareness and practice, but most of all, courage! There is an inherent need in all of us to wanting to say yes in order to please others, while compromising our own intention and will. Do you even recognize this? It is equally true and interesting about the relevance of this tendency in the context of stepping up to opportunities before us - in which you might have heard of the advice to first say YES, then figure out the way. In other words, do not let opportunities slip through your fingers, else you will miss the boat! But, that's for another time. This blog post places the focus on the former, where we are afraid to say NO to protect ourselves from our external environment, e.g. disapproval from others (parents, colleagues, friends) or being ostracized from these circles for that matter.
I like how Warren Buffet posits this: "We need to learn the slow YES and the quick NO." Think about it for a second, articulating a quick no, yikes, sometimes it is easier said and done - or at least, I am speaking for myself here. As soon as I was aware that I have the fear of saying NO to care more about meeting the needs of others at the expense of mine, I started to notice how they have played out in so many different occasions in my life. For example, there have been quite a lot of door-to-door requests for donations lately to support different non-profit organizations, charities and causes, in my neighborhood. This usually happened when the door bell rang at time (usually evenings) that I am not expecting any delivery or guests. They would stand at the door pitching their stories in such convincing ways that I found it difficult to reject in that moment. When they extended the containers to collect donations, I was sold as if I must.
I recalled how a young man once laid down a huge banner displaying his cause, at the doorstep and kept 1.5m distance, before explaining his reasons to be there. Out of respect for his spirit of doing so, when he extended his tablet asking me, on the spot, to provide personal details (including bank account no.) directly in agreement to small monthly recurring donations, I acted as though there was no other option. As much as I would like to support the various charities and good causes, recurring donations really bothered me, especially when I have had negative experience in which I realized that the termination of such recurring donations is not publicly made clear on their websites and my calls for clarification were neither picked up or being passed from one number to another (and that too cost resources in terms of time and money). Of course, I persisted and cut the cord eventually. To say I have not developed any skepticism about these experience would be a fib! If anything, I prefer to stick with one-time donation after gathering some more reliable information than only the pitch at the door. So while I am saying NO to recurring donations, I am also saying YES to reserving the freedom to donate to causes that I find worthy of supporting whenever I see the fit. Back in summer, I have had kids at the door wanting to run some random chores for me in return for some pocket money. They came back a few more rounds throughout the summer, hoping for a different answer, with some puppy-eyed cuteness overload. The persistence they showed almost had me saying YES. That was hard when I finally closed the door again in their faces (ok, but gently and kindly). With a smile, I told them NO while saying YES to managing all chores at home as necessary without any outsourcing need.
What are many more other examples? When we say NO to working overtime, we can be saying YES to doing things that we enjoy in those after-work hours, whether working out, indulging in a new hobby, spending some quiet time with ourselves or quality time with our loved ones. When we say NO to casting wide nets to capture business leads, we are saying YES to finding our ideal customers who resonate with our business purpose and mission. When we say NO to unhealthy food choices, we are saying YES to improved health and vitality. When we say NO to procrastination or gratifications, we are saying YES to the progress and results we desire. When we finally say NO to someone who keeps rescheduling an appointment, we are saying YES to self-respect and the importance of our time as well. When we say NO to external influences (people, materials...anything we pick up using our five senses), we are saying YES to mastering and manifesting our own destiny. Aren't these great reasons for us to learning to say NO? It is really important that we understand what it actually costs us when we feel afraid to say NO to things that we know do not serve us physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. It would be wise and advisable to start taking back our power by saying NO to anything that violates our values and hinders the becoming of our developed character, goals and dreams - without hurting or jeopardizing others. It will not be long that we realize every single one of us, as a matter of fact, merely wants to get our own needs fulfilled. The only question is only this: at what cost. What are your thoughts about this?
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