When I dropped the bag of old clothing off at the textile recycle bin this morning, I could feel such great relief. It felt like some weight has been lifted off me. That bag has been lying around first in my closet room for a while before it was moved into the trunk of my car where it stayed for another few weeks. I wanted to get rid of it for some time now and just could not seem to get around it. Even though it is now finally out of my sight, I know there is more decluttering work that needs to be done in my space and life. More so because of the two most recent incidents of me forgetting about things that rendered some disappointments in myself but served as the much needed reality check that requires me to slow down and take a breather. On the Monday a week after the Easter break, I have forgotten all about my son's swimming lesson for the first time ever. I felt really bad about it and was compelled to dwell with the feeling until the next day. I realized that I have been so occupied with tax submission related matters (they certainly consume time!) and I was not being present at all. Just yesterday afternoon, we have missed our dentist appointments because I was feeling so exhausted at home after picking up my son from school. For the record, I did remember up until after lunch, but as I dozed off slightly relaxing on the couch, I woke up an hour later than the intended appointment. Twice in less than a month - that sure worked something up in me to take a hard look at how I organize my life.
Decluttering does not only apply to physical space but also relationships, time and mind. It is a soulful journey that will actually allow the flow of energy and forces of Universe to enter our lives. No wonder the utter relief whenever we are able to eliminate beliefs, activities (or habits), things and people that we know are not serving our own good. When it is done with clarity, intention and confidence, we can benefit enormously from decluttering.
Declutter of Physical Things
This is a no-brainer! How often do you come across things at home that you have not been using or wearing for ages but you still keep them? As ridiculous as it may sound, I can even "shop" around sometimes at home and found various items that were bought but never used. Last week when I was at the attic folding the laundry, I caught the sight of a hanging old faux leather outer jacket which I love and probably only worn twice, with torn surface on its right sleeve. Wow, I whispered to myself, I treasure it so much that I prefer to keep it, wear it less and now it is not even attractive anymore to put on. So, what was even the point. Tom Robbins once said, “Any half-awake materialist well knows – that which you hold holds you.” In the new age of consumerism, we are constantly seduced by the need to buy more and own more so that we feel good about ourselves or the FOMO (fear of missing out) drive to fit in somewhere. Chances are, hardly anyone will ever think first about how they plan to oversee the lifetime of these purchased items and consider how to treat them in the longer term - think recycling, donating to causes, or giving them away. It is inevitable that when there are only streams of things coming in yet little to none going out, things start to pile up and take up space which can cause stress and overwhelm.
When things occupy space, it will naturally cost time and effort as well to clean and organize at some point. It is therefore critical that we always ask ourselves if we truly need them prior to any purchase. Are they a "must-have" (to support daily life) or mere "nice-to-have" (simple to sophisticated luxuries that we can afford)? Who are we without these possessions? What needs of ours do they fulfill? How long does the feel-good feelings (for having them) actually last? As soon as the uplifting feeling dissipates, it is perhaps time to buy more to sustain it. How sustainable is this approach really? Most people hang on to their things like they are a part of their identities. To put it differently, they do not want to be seen without them and are hiding behind their possessions (for examples, expensive clothes, shoes, jewelleries, fancy sportscars, lifestyles etc.) to feel more secure and accepted. Little do they know that they have also lost their freedom in a way just because they think they actually need these stuffs - which can be likened to addiction, chipping away their sanity bit by bit. There is usually more to the hesitation or unwillingness to release the physical things we own than meets the eyes - which will be briefly discussed under declutter of the mind. The more emotionally invested we are with our things, the harder it is to let them go. It is good to think about where we are going with these since we for sure cannot bring them to grave one day. Apart from the space won back, clearing things away can provide us with the peace of mind, allow us to create better connections with others and also increase our productivity significantly. Just experience how creative ideas flow by working at a decluttered desk, you bet!
Declutter of Relationships
Everything in our life functions on basis of our relationships with others (including nature). We can never exist on our own, can we? For instance, think about the food we put onto the table everyday, they were the harvests efforted by various agents; fertilized land, water irrigation, farmers, suppliers, factory and warehouse workers, fuel and transportation, before they even reach us to be consumed. Do we ever actually think about it this way or perhaps take things for granted? The quality of our life is determined by the quality of our relationships. It is highly recommended to do a temperature check on the relationships that we have from time to time to understand if they are empowering and elevating us, or rather, limiting and suppressing us. The danger zone is when we are not even subtly aware of our role in the relationship in fulfilling the other person's needs and expectations while constantly sacrificing our own. Any relationships that functions on need basis instead of sovereignty are by far dysfunctional and unfulfilling.
Who we decide to spend our time with will contribute immensely in shaping the person we tend to become. When you think of who you want to be, it is important to evaluate how one or more of your relationships have stopped you in your tracks or perhaps slowed you down? When we take a good look at our relationships, it comes down to the choices we make considering which ones are worth keeping, maintaining, nurturing and eliminating. Of course it will be tough when close families and friends are involved because they so-called want the best for us, yet how true would that be if their words and presence actually shrink or diminish us from our highest potentials? It is a wise way to attest our relationships when we follow our heart and intuition to choose our own paths even if it means to (respectfully) disappoint or upset others. These negative feelings will subside soon enough for people who truly celebrate us, align with our values and with whom we will continue to feel supported and connected. When a relationship turns sour or awkward and stays that way as we choose to be authentic, it is a sign that the relationship is not in any way upheld by a strong foundation of unconditional love and unwavering support. This is because true and healthy relationships will hold their members in the highest good for each other and together they complement and thrive, not compromised and dimmed.
Declutter of Time
We know by now that our to-do lists are ever endless and will always continue to grow or fill up again. Living in our distracted world abuzz with information and activities more than ever enabled by technological advancements, it becomes increasingly challenging to "switch off" and do less, without feeling either we are losing out or needing to catch up. If we do not plan and optimize our productivity appropriately and consciously, we run the unwanted risks of health and well-being due to exhaustion, stress and overwhelm. It is very practical and useful to start or continue categorizing our daily tasks into the four quadrants of Time Management Matrix below, as proposed by Stephen R. Covey in his book, First Things First:
It is the activities and tasks that are categorised into Quadrants III and IV (highlighted in yellow) that would need our attention most. That's because when we delegate and eliminate, we make time available for things that we need to do and plan - the real tasks that move the needle and propel our life forward, for example invest in continuous learning and development. In other words, instead of focusing on our to-do lists, we might as well focus on our not-to-do lists and get them out of the way as much/soon as possible. Until we gain more clarity on this, we will continue to wrestle with I-am-busy syndrome and wonder how some people can manage their time and life so successfully, but us. Look, we are all gifted with the same amount of time daily - if someone else can do it, so can we, no doubt! Do we really need to wait for the arrivals of another TGIF then weekend or planned vacation to feel relaxed and alive? Success leaves clues, evidences are aplenty around us, why choose to live life in a zombie mode (busy and tired but doing nothing meaningful) while we can expand and live fully as human beings? Hours spent on watching Netflix programs can be gratifying and so do video games, endless scrolling on social media and online shopping. But unless done mindfully and in moderation, these activities can easily drag us into an entirely differently realm that hinders or kill our progress towards our higher goals in life. It definitely does more justice to spend the time outside connecting with mother nature and be reminded of who we really are.
Declutter of The Mind
Of all areas of decluttering discussed, I personally feel that mind decluttering is the most important one and dominant above all. These are essentially the limiting beliefs we have of ourselves (for instance, "I am not good enough", "I am not loved", "I can never succeed"...) and deep-seated patterns by which we operate our life that we are often not even aware of. Until something hits, something that cause pain, hurt, anger, disappointment...and we are left destitute spiritually and desperate for remedy and change. Beliefs which are rehearsed enough in the mind become the patterns in our life which are usually in disguise of people we choose to surround ourselves with, the physical things we cling on tightly to, and the way we carry ourselves (how we say, think, behave) - all in the name of 'protection for ourselves' to feel belong. If we can master our mind, we can literally remove ourselves from all the sufferings in our life. It is hard initially to see that it is all merely a game of mind. The mind is trying to solve the very problem that it has created for itself. As a start, we need to ask ourselves how much have our limiting beliefs cost us and how much more are we willing to lose. Our life can change for the worse at any moment in time, but so does change for the better. Everything lies in the moment of decision to make it happen.
To escape from the tyranny of a conditioned mind, it is certainly easier said than done. It may even seem insurmountable at times and the journey can be gruelling. It requires us to remove our egoic masks and deeply introspect into our accumulated memories and experience of the past which can be scary for many especially those with traumatic experience. Some people prefer to hold on to their pain and anguish as part of their identities without which they seem lost and confused. They have not known it any other way to live! It is usually in those states that they feel life is normal, their needs are met, that they can survive, knowing naught about the sweet taste of liberation and abundance of opportunities by just one small shift in their mindset at a time. We can leverage every trigger and negative emotions in our life as an opportunity for inquiry to understand the level of our deeply conditioned selves and more importantly as a portal for our transformation. We can let our emotions be our guiding post and be invited to question ourselves each time about why we feel the way we feel or why we react the way we do in any particular situations. Oftentimes we find that we have created rules within ourselves over time about how others should ideally behave to meeting our own expectations. It is these rules that eventually determine how we lead and show up in life, all informed by all our past experience and knowledge - ingrained in the mind. If we just understand that we were born a blank canvas, or at 'zero state', where we view the world just the way it is, without prejudice, judgement or biases, that is who we truly are, and then we can see from a distance how powerful our collective mind really is in conjuring up false images and beliefs leading to corresponding actions, fostered by the law of cause and effect, resulting in the mired wounded world we live in today. So if we want to see the change and raise the consciousness of the world, we have to begin with our own healing. It starts with us.
Should you need any help in decluttering your life, I am here to help. Do not hesitate to schedule a FREE discovery call and find out yourself if our 30-minute conversation may mean something for you. Until then, decide today how you need to declutter your physical space, your relationships, your time and your mind! Start with intention and follow through with conviction - watch how a new dimension opens up to welcoming a better version of you. To your wisdom and growth!
Commentaires