Perfectionism is a broad personality trait that has to do with obsession with flawlessness and, specific and rigid standards when it comes to getting things done or achieving goals in the name of delivering perceived work quality and great performance. It also has been closely associated with various psychological disorders, including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and eating disorders.
The perfectionistic behaviour is often an unconscious way to mask our fear of failure, low self-esteem and self-confidence. While perfectionism will lead the individual towards attaining higher quality of work but it can start to backfire when the effort is not well-balanced against considerations of opportunity cost and overall productivity. This often results in poor quality, lacklustre performance, and physical and mental exhaustion (burnout), which continues to reinforce the disempowering self-sabotaging cycle - "I am not good enough", "I just can't do things well", "I am such a failure", to cite a few examples.
As perfectionism is bound to affect our behaviour, attitude and relationships with others, and should we find ourselves stuck in this unhealthy cycle of doom, it makes it ever more imperative to understand and know how to break out of it.
When speaking of perfectionism, I could recall a scenario at work years ago when the project team I was part of, was led by a manager who tend to micro-manage us. We were a mixed team of highly and average experienced professionals and the idea of having a manager who needed to supervise every bit of details of work delivered to our client was very demotivating and frustrating to say the least. From how we planned client meetings to how we wrote email communications must have followed a predetermined format and template, and all we needed to do was to "fill in the blanks". Any emails that went out to our clients has to be cross-checked (to the correctness of punctuations), carbon-copied and approved by him - hence all that lead time needed to be factored into our work plan. This approach has somewhat created a negative impression that the team was puppeteered into contributing towards the self-serving agenda of the manager.
Over a span of several months, the team morale has plummeted and some conflicts started to spark between the highly experienced co-workers with the manager. It was a tense and solemn environment to work in that not only lacking in spirited fun, but also has stunted everyone's creativity and growth. Although the manager did even earn the promotion for all the "hard work" he put in, his perfectionism has led him to the goal of quality and performance, however at the expense of his relationship with the entire team. It was one of the least enjoyable (if not nightmarish) year of my career but certainly eye-opening to have learned the unpleasant side of perfectionism. In this case, the attainment of the goal will reinforce his self-assurance and as such allows him to perpetuate this personality style, compromising on his relationships with others, until an intervention cycle necessarily kicks in. Suggestions on how this can be initiated are explained as follow.
Examine the rules imposed as standards
Perfectionists usually set the bar so high in the level of details, attention and energy exerted in getting things done and creating unrealistic expectations, completely unaware of possibly other alternatives that might cost half the time and still produce the same, if not even better, outcomes. Since no one is perfect, and chances of things completed with imperfections are likely, the rules which consistently form the standards in achieving specific outcomes must be examined and questioned, to understand when just "getting things done (and settle for something less than perfect)" can be a decent enough goal to pursue. Spending more time polishing the quality may not result in the desired outcome and deliver any more added value.
The real challenge lies not so much in the imposed standards perfectionists set for themselves and others, but the preoccupation in not making mistakes (through elaborate planning and execution) and excessive self-doubts or blamings that follow when things do not work out the way they have hoped. Perfectionists will soon find out that attaining perfection is delusional and what is perceived as 'perfect' can actually be quite the contrary in the eyes of others.
Focus on strengths and do more of what works
Perfectionists tend to have difficulty discerning the priority of tasks because everything seems to be of equal importance to them. What is disguised as required level of quality is the penchant to hold on to every part of it regardless of the impact and added values they bring to the table. This results in scattered focus and instead of getting anything done on time, nothing is properly delivered, procrastination takes place and hence altogether compromised quality and performance.
Perfectionists are encouraged to think back on former experiences which were positive and successful, and notice areas of strengths that can be leveraged to increase the chance of fruitful outcomes at present. This would call for their willingness to keep their focus relentlessly on those and detach from tasks that will not necessarily contribute much to a satisfying outcome and easily overlooked by others. When they redistribute time and energy into tasks which truly can make a difference, the experience is inherently rewarding and continue to fuel their 'perfection' for the next endeavour in a healthy manner. The idea here is not to lower the standards but to tweak the strategy to play by strengths and take actions which have proven to work to birth an improved outcome and experience.
Expect mistakes or failures and learn from them
Understanding that perfectionism is unattainable and possibly draining, perfectionists must get a clear understanding that mistakes or failures are simply inevitable part of the process. The latter can come lesser as shocks when they can obsess on doing what really matters, while at the same time anticipate and accept the likelihood of it erring or failing, wholeheartedly from the outset. The acceptance includes the readiness to take feedback from others, the ability to hear their inner criticisms and observe their own reactions to that. These will open up different avenues that allow them to learn from what went wrong, enforce more empowering inner voice and correct course the next time round.
Seek professional support and help
The steps laid out above may seem simply but they are not at all easy. Perfectionism can be a doorway to uncovering deeper layers of behavioural patterns accumulated from years of experience and encounters with people and surroundings. These patterns are not always immediately identifiable without proper self-awareness and adequate guidance or treatment from professionals such as coaches or therapists respectively, who are trained and therefore fit to guide their clients through this conscientious process. As a matter of fact, people who opt for professional support and help will usually experience a relatively faster transformation from the habits or behaviours that no longer serve them. The proactiveness to be aware of the perfectionistic self and realize how it can do more harm than good, is in any case already a great place to start! Any change can begin with decision to take that first step.
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