If life indeed always throws us the very thing we need to learn, this was definitely one of those moments for me. Let me explain.
As I parked my car coming home from a nice haircut, it started to rain and hail. It was 10.30am in the morning and I have tons of things to get done for the day. Once I was inside my home, I received an SMS notice that I have a missed my FedEx delivery that morning. For whatever reasons, the most awaited delivery always comes at the most inconvenient time or when I am literally not at home, like this morning. I walked over towards the front door, expecting a FedEx note telling me where my package has been redirected to, or left at. Thinking of the latter, Please don't let it be them, I muttered silently. In the next moment, I had to let this out, Oh no, really...you must be kidding me!
If you have been a frequent reader of my blog, you will understand the kind of standoff I had with my left neighbour about five and a half months ago which I wrote about here. As much as I have felt way better (and honestly, justified) delivering that letter I wrote to them, I have not come into much contact with them ever since (well, except their two or three cats oftentime as our uninvited garden guests) even though they live next door. I have met the husband once when he coincidentally arrived home right about the same time we were home after picking up my son from the child care, but he scurried off pretty awkwardly with his bike and disappeared into his backyard. As weird as it felt to observe what happened (i.e. neighbours being unfriendly and hostile), I was simply glad if I didn't have to start any conversation with either one of them ever again. That worked fine, until I realized what I was actually doing. I was avoiding them, even though I was not in the wrong. Today seemed to be the chance given to me to see this under a different light, apparently.
As you could probably imagine, I began to feel uneasy about the idea of heading over to them to collect my package although it was a kind gesture of them to accept the delivery on my behalf. I went pacing back and forth trying to calm myself, and felt genuinely ridiculous to be that way. Yet one thing was clear, if I overthought it and delayed my action, it might just get even harder from here. In addition to that, I would likely waste some of my productive and creative hours on them in my headspace, again. That was a huge NO! So, I told myself, you better get going now, get it done and be over with. I strapped my usual puffy winter jacket on and went over to their doorstep.
As I walked past their front windows, I was sure it was the (angry) wife who was home - and without looking, I was thinking, great, here comes the test of my lifetime...As I rang the doorbell, I tried not to look awkward. The wife who appeared at the door shortly after, looked completely different than when I last saw or remembered her. She was like any typical woman I would meet on the street, with a simple smile across her face. 'Is this your package?', she asked. I nodded and as she handed me my package, I returned a smile and replied, 'Thank you for accepting my package, have a nice day,' 'You too. Have a nice day', she waved and closed the door.
That was a rather pleasant exchange, much better than I have imagined it to be. Whether I would meet them both next time, this serves as a closure to a 5-month long inner chatters about our last horrid encounter and what horrible new neighbours I got, especially whenever their cat(s) visited. But, more importantly, all these aside, it has directly and indirectly taught me a couple of valuable lessons.
Anger is not only a disempowering emotion, but a very damaging one. I am sure or at least, I hope you know how anger works. When the wave of anger surges inside of you, you can feel your blood boiling and if you have no competence to tame it, you will feel rather impulsive to retaliate, blame or simply lash out. You might lose your logical sense, become more narrow-minded and start to paint everything in an obnoxious shade and tone. The energy through anger can be so powerfully damaging when you don't hold the reins. It can ruin connection and relationships for you, both with yourself and others. Plus, it creates such an ugly impression of you. Remember, there is no second chance in creating the first impression with people. This first impression will be etched in their memory of you, that forms the foundational condition to understand if you are even worth spending time with. This initial impression will continue to stay until more merits are demonstrated enough to diminish it. It is no doubt harder to change how people think of you than it is to learn how to control and master your emotions, a topic which I shall expand more in a separate post.
Don't conclude anything about anyone just because of one unpleasant experience. This point follows perfectly from the previous, but consider it from the perspective or position of the angry person instead. Assume that they felt really bad about what happened, yet meanwhile their first impression was however a done deal, whether they like it or not. We all have heard before that we should never done unto others what we do not wish to be done unto ourselves. If you are the angry person hoping to redo the scene and make it better, you would probably cry, 'That was not the real me, I just lost control of my anger and I am really sorry about it.'. That's just another way of saying, 'Don't jump into conclusions about me based on that one-time incident!'.
The thing is this, it is only human nature to refuse to budge when you are the recipient of the angry behaviour, but as the doer, at some point, you would yearn for an understanding from the counterparty. You might ask why, the answer is, at the core we are all the same and we simply progress at different pace! So, how we do resolve this deadlock? Firstly, know that even the first impression was just your own perspective of the person, formed by the conditions in those brief moments of intense interactions. Arguably as conditions change, the first impression can be as good as obsolete, and it only fixates due to our obstinance to welcome new perspectives, to stay 'safe' from similar experience. Subconsciously, it works like the survival coping mechanism. Secondly, it takes one person to ditch the egoic way of surviving and start seeing the good in others under any given circumstances. Be willing to be the person to give others the benefits of a doubt when no one would and never hold grudges as it torments you more than anyone else, eventually.
You cannot permanently avoid something that you find reluctant to face. You might manage to ease your way out of it many times before but it does not mean that you can forever avoid it. It will come into your experience when the time is right, as how the Universe sees fit to nudge you and help you learn - and oh dear, haven't you noticed....the longer you delay it, the more challenging it gets. It may also be wrapped under different contexts but rest assured, you will understand how to connect the dots, looking back. The Universal force only interrupts when you literally brushed off the umpteenth times to voluntarily face it on your own. And, this is all good news! Avoiding difficult situations is not the live the way to live, whereas learning, growing and expanding our human experience is! On the larger scheme of things, these awkward and nerve-wracking events are very important means for our human evolution. You play a part in it - what this tells me then is that YOU MATTER. These so-called challenges or obstacles in life come in various scales and settings - whether locally at home, at work, in the society or community or globally. We tend to get mired in the complexities of its presentations, unable to see through the basic universal laws and principles at play. And when we can see past our differences, life itself is a wonderful and precious experience to treasure. Let the smog subside and you will discover the beauty behind the veil.
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