Have you ever wondered that you should be much further in life now than where you find yourself at? I do recently, again. That gives you an idea how often that question come visit. In my 40s, I would think I'd be successful in my relationships, career and various personal goals. Hmm, am I? Before I go on as though to imply that I'm not with an anticipated 'but....', no...I can choose to be successful if I want to, only because it's entirely up to me. But that alone is not enough, it has to resonate deeply and be felt in every fiber of the being.
After some long, serious contemplation (and honest negotiations with myself), I realize I am in a good place. I can make a list of reasons to back that up. This list would not even make sense had I be on the other side by this time of my life. Why? Because the presented conditions would be quite different. Different conditions bring about different taste of life. That's just it. I feel this is my real success today - wrapped in the current conditions. This is not to suggest that I'm being ignorant to the rests but grounding myself to the fact that I'm always on my way so long I'm actively taking actions. It's about the journey itself and not the destination. Yet, why do we sometimes believe that we fall short of where we are supposed to be and how to counter that?
Drop the SHOULDs. This never gets old. Think for a moment, who came up with such rules? What defines as success is highly subjective. Being alive, breathing and healthy now is a huge success and without which, no other successes can even come close to being considered so, but would you count on that? What I find more important is to determine whether it aligns with what makes you fulfilled and genuinely happy than somebody else's (or family and society's) definition of it. When we use the word 'should', it is set to become either a limitation or unrealistic to achieve, and everything in between. But both can definitely serve you frustrations and disappointments, more than anything. Instead, you want to be asking: - Did I give my best to be here today? - Do I harness my strengths and improving on the weaknesses? - Do I have a clear idea of where I want to be heading from here onwards? - Do all my plans and actions aligned with the goal and direction in mind? - Do I have all resources I need, know where to find or access them or, - Do I need to ask for help? Relax the SHOULDs or consciously toss them out the windows! Don't willingly bind yourself to rules which are not serving you, unless they bring you a sense of joy, peace and freedom.
This thought is likely a sign that you are comparing yourself with others. Let's not be too noble about this, since everything in life is relative. How could you not compare, when we are constantly inundated by information from media everywhere, dished up for you even when you are not seeking. However, to do yourself justice, you can see them as contrasts to appreciate more what is great in your life, inspire you of what is possible and not discourage you about what seems lacking or not going so well in your life right now. Of course it can be hard in the moment to lean towards the good when everything feels unbearable and untenable. When that happens to me, I have trained myself to remember that everything on the outside is a reflection of what's happening within me, which means I have created the sh*t to some extent and therefore I have the power to turn the situation around. This will help you take back control, focus and re-strategize. You might be surprised to find out how others, despite the hardships you believe you are going through, actually have no idea or clues, thinking you are just doing fine all this while. What does it tell you when you put yourself in their shoes and compare yourself to others? This means, everyone is silently fighting their own battles, why compare or be careful what you wish for, which is my next point.
See, you are right where you need to be. This moment right here, is perfect as it is, in all its imperfection. This might sound like something you say simply to comfort yourself but it is not quite so. We tend to ponder from the negative side of things and allow it to overshadow the positives. It is just our ancient survival instincts trying to keep us safe. However, when we admire others who have what we currently don't, we anchor in only the positives but blind to the negatives. When we focus on the positives happening for others, we have no clue what corresponding downsides they too might be experiencing. That's because people tend to show the world the positives happening in their lives and keep the non-favorable hidden, protected and unspoken of. This way, they paint a transient picture-perfect moment to the world even though it can be a misleading snapshot of their life. Don't be easily fooled! What is the whole story behind that - who knows? The truth is, no one has it all together. We all have different challenges to deal with at different times because everything has its cycle in this world, to return to homeostasis or the state of balance. So, it is important to be able to accept what is, consciously deal with all that is, and you will notice life as it stands, is pretty good fun too. Please note that oftentimes, having some sense of humor is an integral part of this. Life can be awesome when you learn to laugh things off - quit being so serious about everything.
Nothing is real, as nothing is permanent. Everything is changing. There will be ebbs and flows, ups and downs. This is the game of life in which we must learn not to attach to anything. When we attach, we tend to suffer. But we must never take things for granted. It is important to manage your energy and give your all to life, no matter what is happening. When things are going your way, enjoy it, appreciate it and be thankful. It is just as important to remain humble and not brag about it or show off to others. Instead, you might want to consider extending it by means of your uplifting energy vibe to people around you who can benefit it in the moment. Positive energy is contagious in many ways and everyone needs an extra dose of that in today's world. Whereas when things are not going as smooth as you want it to, you must also learn to accept and focus on doing the right things despite what's going on. It is what you do during 'chaotic' times that will make the whole difference and start shifting yourself in the right direction again. Those self-doubts and overwhelm only have as much power as you willingly relinquish and feed them with. All it takes is your mental strength and resilience.
If you think all this is plain motivation to feel good and ease the struggles, however that looks like for you, I would argue that it is beyond just that. Words are plainly words unless you learn to harness the rich meaning and wisdom behind them, in relation with your own experience and life. It's easy to absorb these ideas but hard when put into practice. How many books, lectures, and discussions have been introduced to convey these very same ideas, yet they remain ever relevant and timeless. That's because these are universal principles of life and, principles are unchanged.
The next time you wonder if you should be so much further in life right now, I bet it's not difficult to allow a few things, experiences, or conditions which have been working to your favor right now, to come to mind. If you can, pull up your journal and start transferring the thoughts into writing. You might realize wherever you are right now, you never run out of reasons to celebrate and be grateful about. All you need to do is just be there completely and in stillness, you are constantly bathed in the visible and invisible forces of abundance all around you. Whatever your goals are, they're happening right now as long as you stay focused. You're not behind, it's all part of the process. For the time being, just never forget to enjoy the scenery while making your strides. You've got this, my friend.
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